Allowing light to shine from sacred wisdom I find helpful. It takes me away from the immediacy of life now and gives a longer, enduring perspective—sacred scriptures, the Bible, some mystical writer, or a canon of poetry. Currently, I am enjoying light from the wisdom of the Daoists and Stoics and from reading and pondering the Yijing (I Ching) and its reservoir of ancient Chinese wisdom. Whatever the source, let the light shine.
When feeling out of control, a Daoist response might be simply to sit and acknowledge the feeling of helplessness—not running away from it, repressing it, or wishing it away, but rather just sitting with it. Going with the flow. The none action of wu wei.
Another response (and I think it gels with the first) is to think of those things I can affect and change, and those I can’t. Not much can be done about the things I cannot change. I need the courage to change the things I can. Daoist and Stoic wisdom sometimes meet. Epictetus says this at the beginning of the Enchiridion:
“Of all existing things, some are in our power, and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid, and, in a word, everything which is our own doing. Things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office, and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing. Things in our power are by nature free, unhindered, untrammeled; things not in our power are weak, servile, subject to hindrance, dependent on others. Remember then that if you imagine that what is naturally slavish is free, and what is naturally another's is your own, you will be hampered, you will mourn, you will be put to confusion, you will blame gods and men; but if you think that only your own belongs to you, and that what is another’s is indeed another’s, no one will ever put compulsion or hindrance on you, you will blame none, you will accuse none, you will do nothing against your will, no one will harm you, you will have no enemy, for no harm can touch you.”
In other words, the external circumstances that we cannot control affect us only when we let them—that is, when we make a judgment that the circumstance is bad, or awful, or that we can’t cope with it. If you can’t do anything about it, if it is “not in your power,” then let the judgment about it go. The difficulty is building the habit of letting go of foolish judgments.
Beside the wisdom of the ancient sages, having a soul friend is very helpful—that is, someone who truly listens puts things in perspective for you. Sharing your life dilemmas with another is half the battle. A skilled soul friend will also lead you toward the light, even when the light reveals there is nothing that can be done: sit with the powerlessness of the situation; make peace with the stillness. I’m very fortunate—and grateful every day—that Jane and I are soul friends.
In the Celtic tradition, this deep spiritual companionship is known as an Anamchara, or soul friend. The Anamchara serves as a help on your life journey, offering both wisdom and unconditional support. It’s a relationship that transcends the superficial, moving into a space where each person can be completely open and vulnerable, without judgment. The soul friend holds space for the other to reflect and grow, helping to illuminate paths through life's darkness. This kind of friendship is not just about solving problems but about being present, fully attuned to the soul of the other, offering a safe haven for exploring inner landscapes.
A soul friend can help you face life’s most challenging circumstances, not by fixing them, but by walking alongside you with empathy and understanding. It’s a gift to have someone who knows you deeply and is able to help you reconnect with the divine spark within, especially when life feels out of control.
Even so, it is inner strength that brings us through. To find the inner place, the true Self, the divine is one of life’s most precious secrets. Jesus said, “The Realm of G*d is within you.”
I give the final word to Epictetus:
“What disturbs our minds is not events but our judgments on events. For instance, death is nothing dreadful, or else Socrates would have thought it so. No, the only dreadful thing about it is our judgment that it is dreadful.”
Worth thinking about in an election season!
+Ab. Andy
(See the whole text of the Enchirdion here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/dep/dep102.htm)