Truth be told, there is something quite wonderful about touch—mystical even. Of the five senses, seeing, hearing, smelling and tasting all relate to the face. Only touch relates to the hands, for touching is the most relational of the senses. Touching connects us. We never say, “Don't you dare taste me!” or “Will you stop hearing me!” Or perhaps with indignation we might cry, “Are you smelling me!” Those senses are not relational in the way that touch is. Sight comes the closest: “Why are you looking at me that way?” To look is also relational, but only indirectly. To touch someone is an intentional, direct, connection. Something happens in the connecting.
But we don’t always want to be connected. When you hear, “Keep your hands to yourself!” or “I don't want you to touch me!” the speaker is calling a stop to any kind of relationship. Inappropriate touching is inappropriate relationship. The downside in that as our awareness of inappropriate touch has grown, much innocent, kindly and helpful touch has been lost for fear that it is touch of the wrong kind. It's sad because we are losing something important about connection.
Jane and I are blessed to live in a largish home. It’s great for hosting family, friends and the occasional retreat. Yet, most evenings Jane and I sit on the same settee in our lounge, and our two pugs join us. (They rarely leave us, truth be told.) The pugs have to touch us—and touch each other. In our whole big house, with all those possible places to curl up and sleep, the four of us share the same small space. And we touch. But it’s not just our pugs. All mammals snuggle. They touch each other. Over the years we have watched the deer in the garden preening each other, lying together, touching.
Touching comforts. It feels good. To have your hair stroked is important. We stroke the heads of kids when we are helping them drift to sleep. When you pick the child up who has fallen over, as you say “There, there! Never mind” you instinctively stroke the child's forehead, arm, or leg. When a good friend tells you news, (bad or good, it doesn’t matter) you reach out; you touch a hand, a shoulder, you hug. When my father had his stroke and was unconscious in the hospital, I had a few moments to say goodbye. As I spoke to him (whether he could hear or not I don’t know) I stroked his hair.
Spiritual wisdom, too, tells us the importance of touch. To touch intentionally is to transfer life energy. Touch conveys spirit. In the Christian tradition hands are used in conferring blessing, in ordaining to office, in prayers for healing, in passing on the spirit of G*d. Touch is holy. Physical touch is a transfer of immaterial reality. When the apostles laid their hands on new Christian converts, they received the spirit. When the healer prays and touches the sick person, vital energy moves from one to the other.
In this tradition, hands are the way spirit is transmitted. In Daoist understanding life energy (qi/spirit) is said to come from the feet, through the waist and finally released through the laogong point, (Pericardium 8) the center of the palm. In healing prayer, this point on the hand that gets quite hot as healing energy is released. At the same time fingers tingle. Both the heat and the tingling can be felt by the recipient of the healing.
Touch is our connectedness to each other and is part of our embodiment. Appropriate touch makes this world a better place. Diana Ross got that right.
+Ab. Andy