Dysfunctional family? Kindness needed

For the last several years, a couple of times a year, Jane and I have been teaching our course on loving nonviolent re-parenting to parents, foster parents, carers, and caseworkers. Our assumption is that all children in the "system," in foster care, residential homes, cared for by relatives, and likely most kids in their birth homes, have been victims of violence. And violence comes in many forms, physical, sexual, psychological, and systemic or cultural. It leaves scars, and many kids live a long time into adulthood with the ensuing trauma. How do we help heal the trauma? We suggest an intentionally loving nonviolent environment (primarily homes, but schools too) gives space for healing. To provide that needs people who have learned what the ancient Greeks called techné, the skills, and the areté, the character, of loving nonviolence. That takes time, commitment, and a lifetime of forming the habits of loving nonviolence to become a nonviolent person. It requires practice, and making many mistakes, to develop the necessary skills. Hence, our training courses. But we tell participants that this not an easy solution, not a quick fix, and holds no guarantees. Families are too complex, the individual psyche too inscrutable, for easy solutions. If truth be told, all families have a some dysfunction, and every one of us is just a little messed up.
Jesus told a story of a typical, dysfunctional, that is to say quite normal, family. A father had two sons. Jesus says nothing of a mother. Had she died? Did she count? Who knows. The story is an all male, father-sons tale. The older son is the "good boy." He works in the family business. The younger son wants to spread his wings, leaves home and his father gives him the money to make his own way. The lad gets into trouble, wastes his money—likely drink and drugs—and finds himself homeless and desolate. Coming to his senses, he returns home, and his father makes a huge fuss. The older son has never had such a fuss made of him, and he is consumed with jealousy and bothered by the perceived injustice of his brother's treatment by the father. 
I'm glad that the younger brother returned home and was given a second chance. I can understand the father. But I'm not sure he was very wise. His actions deeply hurt the older son, and he might have done something differently. Still, I'm not judging him, or them. It's just a typical family and families are messy. We have all made mistakes. And we have all hurt each other.
One of the character traits that we speak about in our course is kindness. In Jesus' story, we are not told the long term outcomes. I hope that the two brothers were reconciled. I hope the father and the eldest son patched up their differences. If they did, I suspect kindness would have played a large role. Here's a little dialogue on kindness from my book Love as a Guide to Morals:


Barry: Kindness is one of those virtues that we know when we experience it or when we show it, yet I think difficult to put into words. I assume you are going to try?
Adam: I will do my best, though you are right in your observations. There are narrow ways to think about kindness and very broad ways. In the broadest terms, some writers think that kindness alone is a sufficient guide to morals. These writers think of kindness as the same as love, particularly as agapic love or compassion. I think their argument is quite strong. Much that I will say in my book about love they say about kindness. However, I will use kindness in a narrower sense as one of the virtues of love. 
Barry: And kindness on your narrow definition is . . .
Adam: My definition is that virtue of showing consideration, generosity and open-heartedness to others. Kindness is very soft, perhaps the most tender of love’s virtues. Kindness as an action is love in motion toward the Other in tenderness to reduce the distance between lover and Other in a warm and mild way. If I can change my metaphor . . .
Barry: [interrupting with a smile] I hope you won’t in your book. That’s bad form!
Adam: [slightly raising eyebrows and sighing gently] Kindness is soothing oil that reduces friction and makes relationships run smoothly. I do not know of anyone who is not warmed, and often surprised by kindness. To receive kindness makes you happy. Even thoughts of kind acts make you involuntarily smile. To act kindly has the same effect. Kindness is essential to well-being. The world would be better for more kindness.
A little kindness goes a long way, so they say. I've no quarrel with that. 

I shall try to be kind today.

+Ab. Andy