We managed to get away to the beach for a few days over Thanksgiving. A much needed respite to recharge, reflect and to give thanks. Having no childhood traditions of Thanksgiving, we have created our own during our years in the USA. For us, it's about getting away on retreat, and reflecting about hope, as Thanksgiving coincides with the beginning of Advent. The winter has begun to draw in, the days are short and we wonder about light in darkness, and falling snow, "snow on snow, snow on snow."
Jane and I are teaching a ten-week course for foster carers on nonviolent re-parenting. The course has proved beneficiall, and as well as the participants Jane and I have learned a lot. In our final session this week we will discuss the subject of self-care. Caring for kids who have been victims of violence takes a lot out of you. In the last class we will be talking about
Secondary Stress Syndrome. It's what happens to folk who care for those who suffer traumas of various kinds. In very simply terms, the trauma of others "rubs of on you." It's a cumulative thing, creeps up on you unawares, and before you know it you suffer definite symptoms that can include any or all of: hardened response/emotional numbness, physical changes, self-doubt, sleeplessness or nightmares, hypersensitivity, fear, and feelings of isolation. It's not a pretty list and this week Jane and I will be helping other carers learn how to recognize the symptoms and do something about it.
Part of the syndrome is "vicarious trauma." When you hear the stories of others who have suffered trauma, if you are compassionate or empathic to any degree, you will feel with those who were traumatized. You suffer vicariously, and it builds up. Counselors, first responders, and anyone who deals with trauma suffer in this way, though it has only recently been recognized. The sobering thing is that with 24/7 media images of trauma the chances are that as a society we all experience vicarious trauma to some degree. It's certainly true of students who are seeking counseling services currently at unprecedented rates with just the kind of symptoms I mentioned above. It can weigh you down, if not crush your spirit, and spoil your relationships as you react badly to those you love. From observation, given the grueling and bitterly harsh election cycle we have just passed though, many folk seem to be suffering the same type of trauma and symptoms of stress.
So what to do? Here's what helps me:
1. Recognize the symptoms and don't live in denial. All of us can only take so much! Do something about it before you reach your limit.
2. Take yourself out the direct path of the trauma if at all possible, for at least a while. That's why Jane and I take little breaks to the beach. For both of us the sea and sand are restorative and healing. If social media is causing you stress, turn it off for a while! If the news sends you into the depths, stop reading! (I'm talking to myself here.)
3. Develop a life practice that nourishes and restores you on a daily basis. It will likely include some kind of spiritual practice (whether you are religious or not) to feed you at the deepest level of who you are. It will likely be physical as well as mental/emotional. Just as emotional stress effects your physical well being, so being physically well helps reduce emotional stress.
If you follow the Christian calendar, Advent, the four weeks leading up to Christmas, is the perfect time to slow down, take a breather or two, reaccess and refocus. Be well, all.
+Ab. Andy
