Recently, I shared with a spiritual director just such a situation I was facing. She listened kindly and patiently. Lot's of "Hmms," and "Ahhhs," and knowing nods; much empathy. She pointed me toward a Buddhist reflection—simply sitting and acknowledging the feeling of helplessness. Not running away from it, repressing it, wishing it away, rather just sitting with it. And then to think of those things I can effect and change, and those which I can't. Not much to be done about the things I can't change. Courage needed to change the things I can. Buddhist and Stoic wisdom sometimes meet. Epictetus says this at the beginning of the Enchiridion:
Of all existing things some are in our power, and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid, and, in a word, everything which is our own doing. Things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office, and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing. Things in our power are by nature free, unhindered, untrammelled; things not in our power are weak, servile, subject to hindrance, dependent on others. Remember then that if you imagine that what is naturally slavish is free, and what is naturally another's is your own, you will be hampered, you will mourn, you will be put to confusion, you will blame gods and men; but if you think that only your own belongs to you, and that what is another's is indeed another's, no one will ever put compulsion or hindrance on you, you will blame none, you will accuse none, you will do nothing against your will, no one will harm you, you will have no enemy, for no harm can touch you.
(See the whole text here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/dep/dep102.htm, or for Kindle the best 99c you'll ever spend! See link below.)In other words, the external circumstances that we can't control affect us only when we let them; that is, when we make a judgment that the circumstance is bad, or awful, or that we can't cope with it. If you can't do anything about it, if it is "not in your power," then let the judgment about it go. The difficulty is building the habit of letting go of foolish judgments.
In my session with me spiritual director I learned a few things.
First, having a spiritual director is very helpful! The other who truly listens puts things in perspective for you. Sharing your life dilemmas with another is half the battle. A skilled spiritual director will also lead you toward the light, even when the light reveals there is nothing that can be done: sit with the powerlessness of the situation; make peace with the stillness.
Second, allow light to shine from sacred wisdom. In my recent session light came from the wisdom of the Buddhists and Stoics. For many people it is the words of other sacred scriptures, the Bible, some mystical writer, or else a canon of poetry. Currently, I receive most light from reading and pondering the Yijing (I Ching) and its reservoir of ancient Chinese wisdom. Whatever the source, let the light shine.
Third, find the inner place, the true Self, the divine. The Realm of God is within you. Ultimately, it is inner strength that brings us through.
I give the final word to Epictetus:
What disturbs [our] minds is not events but [our] judgements on events: For instance, death is nothing dreadful, or else Socrates would have thought it so. No, the only dreadful thing about it is [our] judgement that it is dreadful.+Ab.Andy