Still, since the diagnosis we have spoken a number of times on the telephone—he often in much pain but stoic, me trying to make sense of it and being as "normal" as I can. We have talked about the weather, and trade union matters, and the Boston bombing, and dogs, and gardening, and computer hacking, and my sore back, and springtime in New York, and friends, and iPhones.
And death.
Often, death is the elephant in the room. Not between my friend and I, for we have spoken about it openly. But for most of us, most of the time, death (our own, our loved ones') hovers like a specter, just out of vision. Unspoken. Unacknowledged. Unwelcomed.
In the past, my friend and I have discussed issues of life and death at length—he a skeptical atheist, me a sometimes hopeful theist. Of course, neither of us really knows. What we do know is that death is certain for both of us. It looks closer for him than for me in the near future. But, near or far, death is life's inescapable addendum.
Dylan Thomas gave us:
I have always loved the poem. Thomas wrote it about the death of his father. "Fight against death to the very end," is the gist of it. Coincidentally, today would have been my father's ninetieth birthday. I feel strongly Thomas's sentiment. But, I'm not sure he was right. To rage against the inevitable is a futile gesture and harms only the one who rages. Perhaps better to make peace with the inevitability of change and decay, find the center in all, seek the One.Do not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light.(Read the whole poem at: http://tinyurl.com/b3esm)
The mystical traditions of spirituality suggests that we think about our death daily.
On one occasion the Buddha asked several of the monks, "How often do you contemplate death?"
One of them replied, "Lord, I contemplate death every day."
"Not good enough," the Buddha said, and asked another monk, who replied,
"Lord, I contemplate death with each mouthful that I eat during the meal."
"Better, but not good enough," said the Buddha, "What about you?"
The third monk said, "Lord, I contemplate death with each inhalation and each exhalation."
Though that sounds morbid, awareness of our own mortality roots us in reality, gives us a sense of life, and spurs us to good actions. Recent scientific studies suggest similar benefits:
Thinking about death can actually be a good thing. An awareness of mortality can improve physical health and help us re-prioritize our goals and values, according to a new analysis of recent scientific studies. Even non-conscious thinking about death—say walking by a cemetery—could prompt positive changes and promote helping others. (Science Daily http://tinyurl.com/dy9y44f)In the present world life and death are the constant yang and yin of ever-present change. Awareness of our mortality yields the fruit of a better life. Inner preparation remove fear.
The spiritual traditions hold out the hope that this is not the final state. In the revelation of St. John the Divine there is a vision of a new heaven and a new earth. A loud voice proclaims, "Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, for the first things have passed away." The constant round of birth-death-rebirth ends in life; yin and yang resolve to wuji; the many return to the One; the spirit returns to God who gave it. All shall be well.
Stay well and centered,
+Ab. Andy