Bargaining with God


I was very moved by the ancient story that tells the plight of a young woman called Hannah. She lived in a time when women were considered inferior to men. The lot of a young woman was to be married, along with others, to the same man, for whom they bore children. A man's value was seen in the size of his wealth, which included all his property—land, animals, slaves, women, and children. All belonged to the man. A woman's value was seen in the number of offspring she produced for the man. 
Like other women, Hannah was one of a number her husband had married. She had a rival for her husband's affections. Though the husband loved Hannah very much, Hannah's rival had produced many children. Hannah hadn't given her husband even one child. In a culture where a woman's value was seen solely in how many children she produced, this made life hard for Hannah. It was compounded by the fact that the rival taunted her mercilessly. There was no female solidarity here. It drove poor Hannah to despair. She wept frequently. She didn't consider her life worth living. Even her husband's love would not compensate for the lack of a child.
What made it even worse was a belief that everything that happened was caused by God. If good things happened to you, then you must have done something to please God. If bad things happened to you, then you must have done something to make God angry. Hannah had no children. God must be very angry with her. It all seemed so very unfair.
In her desperation Hannah cried out to God. Surely, God could fix this! She was so desperate that she tried a bargain approach: "Give me this, and I'll do this for you." This was her bargain:
Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, 
If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain, 
If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me 
By giving me a son, 
I’ll give him completely, unreservedly to you. 
I’ll set him apart for a life of holy discipline.  
(The Message)
I wonder how many prayers are of this kind? I remember making a similar deal with God. It was 1979. I sat for my finals for the banking diploma of the then Institute of Bankers. I was sure I had made a mess of the examination. I couldn't possibly have passed. The examination coincided with a dark period in my faith adventure. I was on the point of giving up on the whole God thing. One day, in desperation, I thought I'd fix God for good. I made a bargain that I knew God could not possibly keep. It went something like this;
Oh, God of the Great Examination Board, 
If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain, 
If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me 
By making me pass the final banking examination, which I know I failed, 
I’ll give my life completely, unreservedly to you. 
I’ll believe in you and set my life apart for a life of holy discipline. 
My moments of darkness passed. A few months later I went into a branch of my former bank to be met at the door by the manager saying, "Congratulations Andy, you passed the examination. I saw your name in the national results list!" I had not even bothered to read the notice that had arrived from the Institute of Bankers, so convinced was I that I had failed.
Within a month or so I had made an appointment to see my minister. I wanted to tell him that I felt called by God to become a minister too.
So, what to make of our bargaining with God? Is God really into the striking a deal business?
I think probably not. Would Hannah have given birth to a child, would I have passed my examination without having made a deal with God? Probably. Our deal-making says more about us than it does about God.
But in ancient Hannah's case, and in my own case, it was the difficult circumstances of life that caused a desperate seeking for God, a last ditch attempt to make sense of life, to find meaning.
Hannah eventually bore Samuel who she gave to God in temple work. He became a great prophet in Israel. I became a minister and began a life of service. Would Hannah have given up Samuel without the bargain? Would I have answered the call to ministry without the bargain? Probably not.
So what of the bargains Hannah and I struck? More for our sake than God's. Another thread in the tapestry of life.
+Ab. Andy