A lot.
Probably more than usual.
Perhaps strange to those outside the academy is the idea that every seven years or so you get a sabbatical—a period of release from your normal round of teaching and administration to give yourself to research and study.
I am in the middle of a sabbatical just now.
So from 7:30 am each day I think, read, meditate and write. After Jane and the kids leave for work and school, the house and garden are quiet until 3:00 pm, when we all gather to discuss the day.
Just me and the pugs.
That's why I've been thinking a lot.
My thoughts have ranged from the philosophy of love, to sentimentalism and morality, to nonviolent (re)parenting, to the first world war, to secular monasticism, to the constitution of the United States and freedom of religion, to Chen style taijiquan, to the abolition of prisons, to juvenile delinquency.
My provisional conclusion is that it's all beyond me, so I'll just let go. The issues and problems of life (not my own, somewhat insignificant life, but life as a whole, the big picture) is so intractable that there is no big solution.
I've been thinking too about the self, and self-interest, and self-love. Jesus said, "Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life." This too is beyond me. But, I think I have a clue to its possible meaning that takes me back to the Buddhist notion of non-attachment (which also is beyond me).
It is human nature to grasp hold. Think of the tiny baby who grasps your finger and doesn't let go. It's one of the first signs that all is well. "She's got a good grip!" says the doting parent. All shall be well. That grasping stays with us for much of life. We hold on to life and don't want to let go. We take on ideas and concepts and images and understandings and we hold on to them tightly—as if life itself depended on our being able to hold the whole thing together.
Then we hear Jesus say, "Simply lose your life." It is to let go of attachment to your self-image. Let go of self-importance, power, correctness, wit, intelligence, skill, sharpness and independence.
The inner urge is to hold on. The fear is that letting go will be worse than keeping hold. Think of the baby. her little grasp is not keeping her from falling. She is held in more secure arms than her feeble grasp.
The perennial philosophy responds, "Let go! For in letting go is release, freedom. Joy doubled."
For me, in the midst of all my thinking it is to let go of the idea that I might find the solution to the intractable problems of life. Perhaps in letting go I will find.
Perhaps.
+Ab. Andy