A Divided Self?

A few thoughts about the self divided against itself. This is an important idea found in much literature. It seems to refer to the existential experience of inner conflict—a kind of inner disintegration. The aim of spiritual experience is the reintegration of the self to produce a harmony within itself, harmony with the divine, and with all things.


But, what a complex idea! There is an assumption that the self exists and that we know what the self is; that there is a core "essence" of "who I am," and that this core continues throughout life (and beyond, and quite possibly before the life we now live).


The notion has been challenged by Buddhism that suggests there is "no self." Yet to say say the self does not exist is as much an error is to say the self exists ... hmm. It was also challenged by David Hume who suggested that the self does not exist but is merely an agglomeration of perceptions at any given time. There is nothing continuing about the self. The self is a present moment phenomenon.


The physical body reconstitutes itself every seven years or so. The body I now have is on its eighth regeneration and is different to the body I had at ages 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42, and 49. Molecularly different but recognizably the same. Is the self like that? Discontinuous yet continuous?
Then there is also memory. I remember things from the past. I married Jane in 1976. Was that "me" or some other self?


The narrative self also interests me. That is the way we construct our own self identity, and the way we tell our story changes over time and undergoes constant revision. Effectively, we reinvent ourselves in the construction of our life narrative.


All very interesting and no conceivable way of resolving it for sure.


It is the existential disintegration I want to think about. Whether the self is an enduring single essence or an agglomeration of perceptions changing from moment to moment, there is an all too common experience that this self is disconnected, fractured, divided. The phrase "divided self" was coined as far as I can tell by William James in his Varieties of Religious Experience. It was used as the tile of R.D. Laing's book looking at schizophrenia. Both James and Laing see health as the self reconnected, whole and not divided.


I have toyed with the idea that in some instances this experience of disintegration happens when difference aspects of our self-consciousness are out of line with each other. Here is one way of thinking about it:
  • The knowing self
  • The desiring self
  • The choosing self
The knowing self refers to our abilities to think things through, to come to understanding, to make distinctions. The desiring self refers to our needs and wants, desires and longings. The choosing self is that ability to act on our insights and to make meaningful decisions. Problems arise when the knowing self and the desiring self come into conflict. This is common in descriptions of sexuality, but crops up in all kinds of places. Here's an oversimplification. The knowing self has determined that to visit a friend in hospital would be a good thing; the desiring self really wants to go out to the party with other friends; the choosing self is paralyzed and a choice can't be made. The self is divided against itself. The person is miserable. The trick is to integrate thinking, feeling and choosing. In other places I have called that the formation of moral sense.


How do we move toward an integrated self? Healthy life practice. Simple, ordinary things. Healthy food, exercise, relaxation, meaningful work and activities, spiritual practices of meditation and mindfulness, rootedness in a tradition, friendship ... no guarantees but should help.


+Ab Andy