For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come … and they defile a person. (Jesus)
A key to spiritual growth is the ability to look within, to take the inner journey. To examine life is profoundly important. It is also immensely challenging for when we look within we see all kinds of things we wish were not there. With age, looking in the bathroom mirror in the morning gets challenging. The wrinkles are obvious. There are various blotches and discolorations. The receding hairline is noticeable. The shadows under the eyes are more pronounced. It is often uncomfortable! The inner journey is more so.
In my younger days I was taken by the idea that the older I became the less would be the imperfections. I would have learned a few things. My character would improve. Now, when I look within I see pretty much the same little boy, with the same issues, the same fears, the same wonderments, the same defects of character, the same neuroses. Of course, like a skilled makeup artist I am better now at covering them up! But they are still there.
What we see is not always pleasant. To anyone with any sensitivity inner work is painful. What we see is a defilement of the spirit. It is a kind of death. Yet, death is not the issue. It is the fear of death that defiles, that incapacitates, that has us devising all kinds of strategies to avoid the pain that is fear.
As we grow older most of us work out strategies for avoiding the pain of fear. These are just a few: we run away; we pretend what we see is not there; we cover it up with perfume to make it smell differently; we manipulate. Each of these is a fighting against fear. Each is a foolish strategy. Among our foster kids have been those who, for whatever reason, dislike taking a shower. Yet, also they become sensitized to how bad they smell when they do not shower. They strategize that to cover up the smell they will use more deodorant and perfume. Does it work? Not for a moment. There is nothing more unpleasant than the smell of teenage kids who try to mask the unwashed smell with perfume! Bad strategy!
Most of us do the same with what we find when we take the inner journey. Rather than face the pain of the inner imperfection, we strive for ways to avoid it.
An alternative strategy. Face it: acknowledge what you see, relax, and let it go.
Some years ago, I had a friend that looked inside and found something he didn’t like. He was very happily married and loved his partner dearly. Yet, he realized that he had a crush on another person in his workplace. The discovery was agony for him. He wrestled and wrestled and tried all kinds of strategies to avoid the pain it was causing him. He was filled with fear. He felt like he was dying inside. In desperation he came to talk to me. In talking to me my friend faced what he found unpleasant inside himself. He no longer avoided it, fought against it, masked it, and pretended it wasn’t there. After an hour’s chat he found that in simply facing what he had seen, it robbed it of fear and he was able to let it go. My friend grew spiritually.
+Ab. Andy